Woo! So I thought I’d write a quick post today, updating you on my progress before I go to bed (gotta wake up early for work tomorrow O__O).
Soooo, first things first… I FINISHED MY FIRST CHAPTER (which, by the way, is now two chapters). Yay!!! I’m really happy to have finished! I’ve been working on it waaaaaay too long now (and if I’m being totally honest, it’s because I’ve been procrastinating and not really focusing on writing.. baaaaahah..).
I’m sending it out to a couple of CPs/writing friends to see what they think of it, because seriously, I’m so confused at this point. I can’t tell if it’s working. I can’t tell if it’s interesting or just dead depressing. I can’t tell if people would want to read more of this, or if they would put it down after the first paragraph. I can’t tell if the writing is good or just COMPLETE CRAP (haha, which is sort of what end I’m on right now–standard feelings of a writer, AM I RIGHT??)
Which kind of makes me scared, because I REALLY want it to be good. (THANKS, CAPTAIN OBVIOUS). I mean, I’d love to get someone’s genuine reaction to it, to see if the writing is working and everything, but come on!!! I REALLY want someone to like it as well. Merh, I guess I just want reassurance that I’m not terrible, which makes me feel a bit needy, but it’s also really hard to tell if the writing is okay, right? (Um, and my beloved CPs, if you’re reading this, DON’T WORRY ABOUT THIS!!! This is just me moaning and groaning!!! Do not feel pressured!!!!! 🙂 )
It’s kind of funny because when I first started writing, I really didn’t care at all what people thought. I would just post stuff or send stuff to other people without worrying about whether I was good or not. Which is kind of cool, but I also know that I’ve improved tons since I’ve written my first manuscript (and I’ll definitely get better after this manuscript as well and on and on and on!). But it is weird to have all these doubts now… Aaah, the simpler times!!!
Ultimately, even if it turns out that I am the crappiest writer in the world, I will continue to write. I write because I love stories and that’s something I don’t want to forget. But the thing is, I don’t want to be The Crappiest Writer in the World. I want to be good. And right now, I’m at that point where I’m not sure I’m even DECENT at writing. I keep thinking of every book that I’ve hated, every book that I thought the dialogue was cliche, where there was a ton of info-dumping, and flat characters, and books where I’ve rolled my eyes so many times that it’s a miracle they didn’t get stuck in the back, and I think, OMG THAT’S ME. I’M THAT WRITER. That’s going to be my book!! I’m going to be the book that writes annoying characters and terrible dialogue and description that clogs up the narrative. I’m CONVINCED that’s me. Haha, yeahhhhhh, I’m convinced that my writing is CRAP right now and it’s every book that I’ve ever hated combined into one. (But no worries!! I don’t feel depressed about it or anything, just in a whiny mood, apparently.)
And I’ve sort of lost sight of what my whole point to this speech was… But oh well!!! I guess it’s “I’LL STILL WRITE IF CRAPPY, BUT DON’T WANT CRAPPY.” (Aaaaaaand, appearance again by Captain Obvious) 😀 Um, yeah, I’ve completely lost sight of what I was trying to get across. OH WELL!!!! It’s getting late anyway!!!
Well, blog, as always, thanks for listening to my crazy rambles!!! 🙂